I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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