I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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