Say something about gay babies.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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