Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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