my phone needs a breathalizer
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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