upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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