I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize