1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize