he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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