You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize