Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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