I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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