he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize