dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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