I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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