I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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