Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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