I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I won the penis lottery.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How external is "for external use only"?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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