im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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