Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize