So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My ass is underappreciated
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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