he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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