i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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