11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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