Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize