Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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