Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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