i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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