I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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