I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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