2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
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where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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