Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize