He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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