maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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