look no pants
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize