My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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