she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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