she was so not down for the gang bang
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I look better un-naked...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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