It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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