You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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