Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize