cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize