It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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