she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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