oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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