How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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