Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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