there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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