the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
People in love make me want to vomit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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