I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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